Less Smoke and More Smug

by Jer

"Do you mind if I don't smoke?" - Groucho Marx

A few nights back I watched one of the best South Park episodes I had seen in a long time and 'long time' by South Park standards is equal to about one week.

Without giving too much away, the plot was based on the premise that many Californians - San Franciscans in particular - see themselves as so progressive that they've actually become smug.

Having lived in California for a couple of years, it pains me to say this, but I'm afraid they're right. I know. Hard to believe. From the outside looking in they seem so down to earth, so grounded. And yet, when you pull back the curtain - brace yourselves - there's a completely different reality.

It's a little known fact, but California is actually the world's largest exporter of smug and I'm afraid it doesn't come from just one region of the state. You have vanity smug produced in the south. The enlightened smug comes out of the north. In the valley you have wine smug, and health smug is available from state line to state line. Different flavors of smug for different personalities... and geographies.

Now putting all that aside, there are some legitimately progressive measures in California that not only make sense, but are actually redeeming. Take as a prime example, their statewide smoking ordinance. If you're inside and it's not your home, there's no smoking. Not in a bar. Not in a restaurant. Not in a Denny's. Not in the boy's room. Not in any indoor gathering space. Period. We may be smug but we've got our health! And as a non-smoker, I loved every smoke-free minute of it. Never was I asked, "Smoking or Non-Smoking?"

"Yeah, but California has so many cars and they do all sorts of damage to the air quality!" decry some critics. Last time I went out to grab a bite to eat, I didn't have to worry about somebody's SUV sitting at the table next to me blowing exhaust in the air. Different issue. Different debate.

Now shift your perspective 2100 smugless miles east to St. Joseph County in north central Indiana, right on the Michigan state line. The county is home to cities like Granger, Mishawaka, New Carlisle, Walkerton and most notably, South Bend. It's also home to the University of Notre Dame, the College Football Hall of Fame, the Silverhawks minor league baseball team, The Hummer, the Studebaker Museum, and me.

As of today, April 10, 2006 it's the home to a new "Clean Air Ordinance" that prohibits smoking in most public places such as restaurants, malls and parks; a lot like the one you'll find back in smug-infested California. They've even got a cutsie little kick-off for the new law called, "Eat Out and Breathe In!"

And while it makes me want to do naked cartwheels down Interstate 80/90, there are those who think the new ordinance is bad for business and an infringement on smokers' rights.

I'm not going to argue with the folks who are worried the restaurant business's bottom line will take a hit. It's a legitimate concern that some of their patronage will be sacrificed on the alter of a smoke-free environment. If pressed, I'd even go a step further and say that if a private business wants to cater to a smoking clientele, they should be allowed to do so. But have they given any thought to what they might gain in new non-smoking customers who have stayed away because of the smoke and how much healthier it will be for their employees? I'm just asking.

As for those who feel they are being relieved of their right to smoke, repeat after me: Nobody is taking my cigarettes away. Nobody is trying to illegalize tobacco. Nobody is outlawing ashtrays. [Repeat]

I find it curious that many smokers feel these new measures to limit public exposure to smoke is part of some insidious plan to control their behavior as opposed to a common sense measure to promote healthier environments. I understand smoking is addictive. I understand it's a habit. But please also try to understand that a person's right to not breathe uninvited polluted air is greater than another's right to smoke wherever they please.

If I'm not articulating myself well enough, I know the following does. These words were found posted at Ken's Magic Shop... wherever the heck that is:

Thank you for Not Smoking. Cigarette smoke is the residue of your pleasure. It contaminates the air, pollutes my hair and clothes, not to mention my lungs. This takes place without my consent. I have a pleasure, also. I like a beer now and then. The residue of my pleasure is urine. Would you be annoyed if I stood on a chair and pissed on your head and your clothes without your consent?

So Kudos to the St. Joseph County Counsel for this bold initiative. Who knows? Someday we may be lucky enough to be called 'smug.'